FOR SOME DECADES, much has been said about the necessity for men to get in touch with their feminine side. However, from my observations today, I would say that it is not so much the men who now need to do so but the women! The discovery and practice of true femininity by many women today is at least a dying art, if not a completely lost one. If you ask me at this point what I mean by “femininity” I reply that a true woman would know the answer to that instinctively when she is in the company of a real man who loves women. But if I were to respond in more detail, I would say the following words:
Femininity means knowing how to be modest as well as soundly confident. It means knowing how to have an opinion without becoming opinionated. It means knowing how to achieve goals successfully without being pushy or aggressive. It means knowing how to be sensual without a trace of vulgarity or vanity. It means knowing how to dress in such a way that she pleases both herself and her man. (The true woman loves to please her man and she knows how to show him how to please her). It means having both the desire and ability to let a man cherish her with his whole being. It means ardently desiring her man to chase her to the heart of herself and penetrate her all the way to her core. It means understanding the delicate art of surrender in the moments when it is most needed. It means knowing how to have endless patience without being passive. It means knowing how (and having the desire) to meet the needs of others without being a doormat.
Femininity means having a deep, diffuse, almost psychic, awareness which transcends focused consciousness (which would be where masculinity tends to be anchored; but that does not mean that a woman can never focus her consciousness when necessary). It means having a ‘spiritual’ sense of her connectedness to all things. It means loving her body and its many mysteries, including embracing the deep mystery of who she is as a woman. It means loving to discover what it is about her womanhood that makes her different from, but complementary to, a man. It means that she loves to discover the nature of true masculinity so that she can know better how to relate to it and enhance it. This is because, above all, a truly feminine woman knows how to be the complement of a truly masculine man. It also means that she knows how to be the conduit (energy transformer) for a man so that he can open up to the fullness of his manhood, masculinity and spiritual sacredness. A true woman is at once the exposer and healer of the vulnerability of a man.
But this flowering flow of femininity can be dammed up by our experiences — especially early ones of primal influence. If a woman is carrying hurt and pain from early abuse in life or bad fathering, then the only solution is for her to face her darkness and discover the source of the emotional baggage which has travelled with her into adulthood. This is the necessary work for both men and women in this life, who will be unable to relate to each other fully in relationship unless each of them has dealt with their baggage. And here is a spiritual law: If we chase down the darkness, we will always find the light. By that, I mean if we trace our fears and hurts back to their source, and expose them to the light, there will always be release. This need for catharsis and freedom through self-examination and self-awareness is crucial if we want to nullify so much of the conflict on this planet, both on an international and personal relationship level.
It is no coincidence that there is a so-called “gender war” across the world today. The division between men and women, of which we can see evidence everywhere (including the celebration of a so-called “International Women’s Day”), has largely come about because of a failure to confront our demons which we then channel into taking up some tendentious or aggressive political position or become part of a social movement. When those demons are confronted and dissolved, a woman discovers that it is possible to be liberated without needing to take on the mantle of “a feminist”. She then realizes that understanding the true nature of femininity and its lost art — and then living it — is infinitely more important, rewarding and conducive to societal change than any “-ism” which one can embrace. Liberation unites; “-isms” divide.
Believe it or not, one can be a liberated woman without being a feminist. Genuine liberation does not come from worldly movements tinkering with a corrupt social system through political action (which is rather like rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic) but from changes which take place deep within, personally, on a spiritual level, as the ego dissolves in its last remaining puff of assertive vanity and futility. When the ego is being refined in the fire of self-awareness, distilled and decontaminated by honest self-examination, then one seeks only harmony and love — above all between men and women for, when it functions naturally and without ideological interference or baggage-induced conflict, then there is a scintillating sacred relationship between the two. Nothing less will suffice. Anything which divides or adds to division will stand out as accursed and therefore will become anathema to the truth-seeking, peace-loving person of integrity. For the developed soul is neither “feminist” nor “chauvinist” but unflinchingly and unifyingly integralist, in the name of the flowering of love, peace and harmony on this beleaguered planet.
Women and men are on this Earth for different but complementary purposes and experiences — not to be at war but to discover together what it is which makes them who they are, what it is which makes them both stronger and better at being men and women. This is an art — a dying art, maybe even a lost art; and I mourn its passing. How difficult it is today (like searching for a gemstone in a desert) to find a woman who is naturally in touch with her feminine self and who revels in true femininity rather than holding an ideology about — or a socially-engineered concept of — what a woman should be. This is the reason an increasing number of men at the present time (myself included) would rather live their lives alone than with the kind of woman who has come to proliferate today — one who is alienated from her sacred femininity, who is carrying round a weighty backpack of unresolved hurts, and whose life and mind are incited by division and resentment towards men.
Being a feminine woman is something that should come naturally — especially when she is with a man who knows what it is to be a true man. Just as a being a real masculine man should come naturally when he is in the presence of a woman who is in touch with her femininity. It is a wonderfully symbiotic process. It is so precious that just the thought of it all (and what is missing from the world of men and women today) is enough to make any true man weep with both sorrow for the loss and joy for what it should be.
© Alan Morrison, 2021