Day: May 13, 2021

The Illusion of Being ‘in Love’

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This is going to raise a few eyebrows, or even set the house on fire! But here it is anyway… I no longer believe that merely “being in love” is a basis for any kind of serious, lasting, intimate relationship, despite the fact that to most people it seems otherwise. It has become increasingly clearer to me, especially in more recent years, that what we refer to as the experience of “being in love” (manifested so kitschly and predictably in “rom-com” movies and romantic novels) is largely based on purely chemical processes such as pheromones and hormones (which obviously play a key role in the necessary perpetuation of the species), coupled with any mutual needs of the moment (e.g., escaping from boredom or getting out of a dying/dead relationship, etc.), the state of superficial infatuation, possessing a bunch of neurotic inadequacies, trauma-bypassing and wishful thinking (which I will develop below). Those who are playing at being “in love” are, in fact, using each other to counteract a deep sense of loneliness, to counteract inner inadequacies and to justify hormonal secretions.

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