Note to Self [poem]

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Note to Self:
“Stop showering her with love”.
She’ll feel she’s smothered –
over-mothered –
covered by my glove.

Note to Self:
“Stop being so profuse”.
She’ll wish I’d never
said “forever” –
neck trapped in a noose.

Note to Self:
“Stop being so uncool”.
The only heat’s
between the sheets
(but there I am a fool).

Note to Self:
“Stop sending her your soul”.
I only wither –
can’t deliver.
now stuck in a hole.

Note to Self:
“Stop making out you’re young”.
It’s just a bluff;
I’ve lived enough.
My final song I’ve sung.

I’d like to post some other notes
but my room is a sea of
yellow tocsins,
all around me
eyes so mocksome
(can’t even find the door).
I’m fighting against my
heart’s desires.
With my Self I make a war!

Never in all my life
have I found
such a love as this.
To ride upon
the Zephyr’s breath

But now the sullen shadow
cast by disappointment’s bough
wends its witchy fingers
in the pristine here of now.

I stupidly wither
at the thought
of our delight (so real);
So scared to give my
Golden Box
the flight
we crave to feel.

When I went out
in the starless night
I could have crawled
the nearest stone.
I felt so helpless
and alone.
I almost said goodbye –
not because I want to part
but, struggling with
my worn-out heart,
I can’t see what I have to give –
can’t even see the point to live.
I could have thrown
my smashed-up Self
upon the tracks
which beckoned me
beguilingly below.
lacking even courage
left for that,
I sighingly continued
with the show.

Now I see a tiny space
disguised in black
upon my wall.
Just enough
for one last note –
the best one
to be posted
of them all.
Note to Self:
“Deliver like a Man”.
Then hollow laughter
follows after:
Irony has the upper hand.

© 2011, Alan Morrison

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