New Year Alone (but Never Lonely)
WHEN PEOPLE SAY TO ME: “What are you doing on New Year’s Eve?” I say: “Nothing in particular. It’s just a day like any other”. Then they reply: “But aren’t you going anywhere?”. When I say: “Nope”, they say: “What? You’re going to be on your own?” (accompanied by a tearful emoji 😥). When I say “Absolutely!” they say: “Oh, that’s terrible!” To which I say: “Actually, it’s fine. In any case, the year started really at the Winter Solstice. I was on my own then too. I’m on my own every night. By choice. This is who I am: A man on his own. A monk without a habit; whose sleeves and cuffs are ragged even when they’re new. Though you may find me writing some poem about the meaning of resurrection or the spear of self-reflection”.
Then I, far from the madding crowd of phoney bonhomie, will hear the fireworks in the distance and it will sound like war (for, mark my words, war is coming and is already here, though most refuse to see it). And I will be glad to be alone… though I am never lonely. Maybe some will say: “You’re obviously an introvert or have Asperger’s” (as one or two have said). Who knows? These are just convenient labels to name the inconceivable. But I’m neither an introvert nor an extrovert (and I can perform on a big stage without nerves if I have to 🙂). I just don’t need an excuse for a booze-up or smoke-up or line-suck (I don’t drink alcohol, don’t smoke cigarettes, and don’t do drugs of any kind [I get “high” on music, love, beauty in all its forms, and in peace of soul]). I’m not attracted to Vanity Fair (i.e. I’m not entertained by the crowd/herd mentality). I love people (but not P-E-O-P-L-E!). I prefer nature to parties (though I don’t mind hanging out with interesting folks who see beyond what can be seen with the eyes). I tend to celebrate the simple beauty of sacred things rather than humanly-invented mass-market junkets.
I am world-weary and have no wish to partake in the disguised desperation of artificial revelry, or to hang out in noisy drunken company celebrating non-existent festivities. These days, basking in the quiet afterglow of my well-worn warriorship is far more appealing than the prattle and brashness of debauched festivity. I would far rather be pioneering imaginative adventure on paths newly hewn than falling in line with mass madness on roads well-travelled where they play the same old tunes. I have seen too much and ventured way too far into the outlands to return. However, although I am a vagrant on the hinterland of time, I won’t object if anyone wants to join me there; that would be fine. For I know that only few would do so; as there is nothing there but self-awareness and triple-decker sandwiches with the fillings of your choice. Thus, it could never become like the blinkered bedlam of this earth (and thus will retain its rainbow and its worth). 😉 Love and blessings to one and all 💖
© Alan Morrison, 2019