“I’m not Worthy”. “I don’t Deserve It”

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If I had a cent for every time I’ve heard someone say something like that to me — either generally in my life or in my work as a counsellor — I would be a rich man. Half the world runs around on an ego trip (narcissists, bobble-heads, gigolos, ‘princesses’, etc.) thinking they’re entitled to anything and willing to trample on anyone to get it (though in many cases that is a vain attempt to compensate for feelings of inferiority) with the other half thinking they deserve nothing or less. Both are extremes and both are destructive. If, for example, a woman says “I don’t deserve a good man”, then that will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. She will repel all men who could bring her good and act as a magnet for those who will contribute to her downfall. Usually people have been brainwashed to believe such a thing. Parents and teachers bear much responsibility for influencing the thought patterns of the children gifted to pass through their hands temporarily. If a child is being put down for the best part of its childhood, then that sets up the pattern. One big-hearted woman I know who lacks much in confidence spent her entire childhood being told by her father that she was “a donkey” while her mother undermined her feelings about her appearance. This had a huge fallout in her life in terms of confidence and relationships, which she has had much difficulty in throwing off (and now, at the age of sixty, the light has gone on). Some children come into life already equipped with maturity and are savvy enough to deal with the crap their parents and teachers (and even other children!) give them (though it’s still a great lesson). But most will be crippled by the thoughtlessness or deliberate nastiness of their carers (who will doubtless have been subjected to childhood crap themselves which they then perpetuate — it’s a cycle). This means that many people choose partners who will not be good for them and work in a situation way below their true achievement level. It’s as if they deliberately choose a partner or work (and a put-down boss) which is going to confirm their poor thoughts about themselves. This can even result in an apparently wasted life (though, ultimately, nothing is totally “wasted” because all experiences are teachers in some way). This is why we, as parents and teachers, partners and friends, must examine ourselves to ensure that we give those in our hands the confidence they need to fulfil their mission in this world and to embrace life fully. So, to those who think they are not worthy or are ill-deserving of something in life, I say: “Who indoctrinated you to think like that, to have fear as your victorious friend instead of your defeated enemy?” We came into this world to grow in depth and stretch of character, to engage in adventure, to attempt the impossible, to improve ourselves and to experience joy — not to slide downhill into mental and emotional oblivion with an abusive partner or demeaning job (and jackboot boss). If you think that you are not worthy of something or don’t deserve it, then that is all the more reason to do it! In fact, that is our calling. For, as cosmic explorers, it is our place in life to prove bullshit wrong! 🙂

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