Why Do I Feel So Alone?

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Why Do I Feel So Alone

First, let me say this: Spiritual aloneness is not the same as loneliness. People very often communicate to me how lonely and isolated they feel on their spiritual pathway. The crazier the world becomes, the more “strung out” one can feel. Last week, someone wrote this to me:

“You talk a lot about the Light. I love the Light too. I thought that when I woke up a couple of years ago that in place of the old friends I had to leave behind or who left me behind because of my changes, I would find a lot of new friends who walked the same path as me. I remember as I was waking up that I felt more and more out of place and all alone when with my old friends. But two years later I actually feel more alone than ever before. I don’t understand why this should be. Can you explain it?”

Over the years, I’ve received many other similar messages. This is something I have experienced myself and in a darker moment, I still do. So, yes, I believe I can explain it. The first thing I would say is that you are not alone in feeling alone (which means that you are not alone after all, for many others feel the way that you do!). You may find yourself temporarily isolated in the world’s terms, having been abused and hurt.  You may find yourself temporarily lonesome, having reluctantly had to separate from a corrupt situation.  But you are never truly alone; you can be assured of that.  As you seek your direction, the Light will work in your life and reveal to you through various means the way that your unique path should take. The main difficulty will be the casual, disapproving, sightseeing onlookers who will fail to comprehend your path and empathise with it, and instead they will cajole and criticise. This can be spiritually debilitating if one is not used to it.

There are many on the spiritual pathway who get feelings as you do of acute aloneness, loneliness and isolation. It is actually perfectly normal to do so, especially in the first years of awakening. You feel all this love and excitement for adventure in your heart but strange things happen which seem to undermine that. For example, members of your family or close friends may begin to misunderstand you or shun you. People unexpectedly and irrationally try to put you down. Or maybe you are frustrated with your progress because you are comparing yourself to others. Or you get disapproval from people who you thought were spiritual and on the same page that you are. Many things can conspire to elbow us off-track. This should not be surprising. As I pointed out in my recent eBook, there are dark spiritual forces which want to put you in a sad, doubting, questioning and uncomfortable condition. However, instead of letting them gain the upper hand in your life, you should stand your ground in the strength and might of the Light.

At the heart of the spiritual pathway is the cutting of ties to the corrupt world-system and the strengthening of ties to the Light. Many expect that this will be an easy ride but it is not. If you are going to be uncompromisingly faithful to the Light, you will find that this will bring you under the disapproval and even the wrath of certain types who do not get where you are at, or who are jealous of your accomplishments, or who are themselves unwittingly controlled by dark forces or become the conduit for them. One would expect this from authoritarian types or governments or those with a vested interested in propping up the system. But the strange thing is that many of those who give you a hard time will be the very people who you might have expected to be supportive and loving.

For example, your fidelity to integrity and refusal to join groups can irritate those who throw themselves into them. I have seen this many times. People find some teacher or guru to whom they attach themselves and join his or her organisation. Then, when they can’t get you to do the same as them, they become cold, incommunicative and sometimes even aggressive. Or, even worse, if you do join their group but later leave, finding it to be conformist, controlling and restrictive, then they will really have it in for you! The same kind of hostility can come from those who are in a religion. They resent your spiritual pathway of individuality and will call you names and harangue you for not joining the mob. Religious people cannot stand those who are spiritual, and they make it their business to fetter such folks with false authority and place them under stifling burdens. Religious people — from the church, temple or mosque and including “spiritually-correct” people who follow certain rigid dogmas — do not like the light of independence and non-conformity which burns in the eyes of the one who is spiritually liberated.

Then there are those who become jealous of your spiritual accomplishments. They see the Light in your eyes. They sense your growth into the Great Beyond. Maybe you have produced work which has been helpful to many. But instead of having feelings of love towards you and a desire to walk with you, those jealous ones take the dark route and become bitter and scathing toward you and belittle you to others behind your back. It is easy for people like this to gather around themselves others who are similarly threatened by your integrity and honesty. You will notice that, no matter how much you reach out to them, this will only embitter them more, stirring them up to be scornful, sarcastic and acerbic to a degree you never thought possible. This can happen to you many times. Do not be alarmed or surprised by it, for it is inevitable. The worst of it is when those seemingly jealous folks are actually those who you thought were spiritual and sharing your path. This is usually because when one is aligned with the Light, one only has to stand in the company of others to expose those who are “spiritual” in word only but not in action or in heart. The Light is a superb exposer of Truth and falsehood, without any action on anyone’s part. Those who are fake in their spirituality will be revealed just by your very presence in their lives. At first, when this jealous aggression and badmouthing seemingly comes out of nowhere, this is a very hard one for the spiritual disciple to take. But it becomes much easier if one realises that this is a classic manifestation of dark forces using weak-minded people to try to undermine you and take away your sense of assurance and belief in your pathway. Once you have taken that knowledge on board you will learn to recognise it for what it is, smile to yourself knowingly and continue unwaveringly in your devotion to the Light. However, I should add that in my experience it is best never to respond to those who behave in this way. For if you do, they will tie you up in knots that will leave you feeling even worse. The forces of darkness are very adept at arguing and wounding you. It is one of their specialities. Furthermore, it is not your place to try to defend yourself. No defence is necessary. They will not change as a result of your approach, no matter how loving or reasonable you are. One simply has to hope that one day they will come face to face with themselves and their conduct and be thoroughly ashamed and penitent. For it is a very serious matter to try to undermine a disciple of the Light.

When you walk the spiritual pathway, remember that you will become a control-freak’s nightmare! Coupled with this, there are so many false teachers, phoney healers and fake gurus, so many who think you should only go their way, so many compromisers, so many screwed-up jealous and niggardly folks with enough baggage to fill the hold of a transatlantic jet, so many who oppose the sovereignty of the Light, that one’s walk can become a minefield of distractions. So many seem to imagine that a person cannot be spiritual unless s/he does things in exactly the same way that they think it should be done. Fortunately, the Light does not work down tramlines but takes us on untrodden pathways through the forest of delights and surprises!

I conclude with the words with which I began. Spiritual aloneness is not the same as loneliness. Remember this: You are alone in the sense that it is you personally who has to find your way out of this strange world in which you find yourself. No one can do it for you. But, the reality is that you are never “going it alone”. No true follower of the Light ever could. It might sometimes feel that way, leading to impressions of loneliness and isolation; but this is an illusion of which we need to be disillusioned. A good way of nullifying this is to find yourself some true friends who would never feel the desire to undermine the valuable work that you are doing, who see you for who you really are, who love to share your pathway and who love your freedom and desire for integrity. You may wonder how to find such people. When you are ready for it, this will happen. Then you will realise that not only are there many who walk the same road as you but there is a vast panoply of angels who will assist in your walk. You will never walk alone!

© Alan Morrison, 2017

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